It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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