I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
