I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
