i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize