he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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