You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
