do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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