you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize