I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
