so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
