You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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