WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
