got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
