he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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