He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize