She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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