I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
