Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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