Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
