Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
