the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just invented taco cereal.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
