I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
