I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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