Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize