Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
