Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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