"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
