you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
