You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
