If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize