C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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