Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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