RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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