Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
