I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
