what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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