Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
