you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
