Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
