She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
