he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
