You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
