What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
