I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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