why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
