The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
