**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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