he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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