Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i will never coherently bang her
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
