thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
farters have to be the big spoon...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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