That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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