I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
