ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
