jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am midnight drunk by noon
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
