I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
