She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
