Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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