Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
