This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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