What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
