my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
