please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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