How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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