I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
