I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
