I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
