This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
