If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
