I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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