Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
