i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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