he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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