It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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