I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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