i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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