I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
