actually, I'm a sock model
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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