Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
