I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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