More tranny stories later!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
