Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
