Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
