if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
