You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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