He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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