I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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