You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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