Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
