is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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