I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
