did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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