I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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