The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
