She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
