Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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