took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
