Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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