I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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